I was traveling America with him again.

We were at the beach, walking along the shoreline.

it was warm and slightly humid with salt breezes from the sea.

Apparently it was somewhere in California.

As the dusk closed in, it was slowly getting dark around. 

We were talking about where we would be heading next,

and I was vaguely thinking to go down south.

As we walking, a neon sign of  "In'N'out Burger" came into our view 
standing at the roadside at the sudden.

As soon as I found it, I shouted that 
"Look at that! We gotta have a dinner right there!". 

That classic William-Egglestone-like vintage sign immediately reminded
me of good-ol' 1950s American diners I'd seen in some old magazines. 

However, I immediately had to add that 

"...Well, I know we're already so sick of those greasy foods.."

because we've already had tons of those kinds of snacks since we came here.
and we laughed. 

I tried to take pictures of the sign, unfortunately it was too dark 
for my film camera to take pictures at that period of time,

so I asked him to take picture instead of me.

He's got this nice brand-new single-lens reflex digital camera this time.

We kept walking under the arcade for the entrance of the diner,

He unexpectedly told me to buy a ring. 

He had already worn one, which was gold and ornamented, 

shining in his slender finger, which I thought was quite unlike of him, 

because he was not at all that kind of guy who wore those 
rather conspicuous, almost showy rings.

Well, I'd never seen him wearing ANY accessories, 

besides his wrist watch anyways.

"Did you like that kinds of thing?", I asked.

"I thought you'd prefer more plain ones." 

"Do I? No, I like this one.", he said and smiled.

Looking at his clean profile, I thought his look hasn't been changed at all

after more than 3 years since we stopped seeing each other. 

As we getting out of the restaurant, 
I came across a group of people, one of who looked like a girl named Hannah 

who used to be my friend from high school in Missouri. 

I never expected to see her in such a place, all the way down in California. 
So I almost unconsciously touched her shoulder 
to speak to her when she passed me on. 

Then I found that it was a wrong person; 

it was just a random high school girl I don't know.

That stranger said, "Oh, Do I know you?".

and I woke up.

Thought of the letters, "Come back for sure, 2011", 

which I put on the last page of small photo album of our graduation trip 
to America for 10 days, I edited and gifted for him on his belated 22nd birthday. 
That phrase is attached under the picture of 
Elliot Smith's famous figure 8 wall in Silverlake, Los Angeles. 
It is one of those numerous graffitis on the wall written by his fans, 
and it says "See you in heaven, Elliot".
Now, I do not have a word accurately to name this feeling. 
Or, it might not to be something called feeling. 

It is something far beyond.

It is beyond any narrative, or the tragedy I can make up for my consolation.

It is rather a sensation, which descends on me 
strangely mixed and tangled with all those episodes and dialogues,

landscapes and sceneries we had seen together.  

Still so vivid and specific in detail while it is insubstantial as is almost surreal.

Being so abstract and random, yet so horribly actual and concrete. 

Desperately familiar and intimate but cannot be seized. 

That keeps attacking me. Again and again.

Just like the great wave beating upon the shore.
That feel. Only him and I had shared before.
Now, I became physically the only one on earth who knows all those.  

Thinking of that fact, I find myself desperately alone.
Completely detached from any sense of time and space,

Feeling I am the one left in the whole universe.

Shodoshima

A hospital (already abandoned)

a lost scape

  One of the main reasons why I had decided to live in this small place, is that there was this big tree growing in the yard of the house next to. I guess the age of the tree is at least more than twenty or thirty years. From the window, seen was the tree trembling. I always loved it when I hear the whisper of the leaves in the breeze,  glancing at the window when I was stuck from doing my school assignment. However, at the sudden, I got a plain paper in my post saying that the house next to was going to get demolished. Only the day after, the most part of the house was already taken down, but still, the tree was barely there, so I had a fainted hope the tree might not be cut down. Next day, after I was going home at night, I found out that the tree was not there anymore. It was cut down. Who would imagine that it's gone?  It should have been there, for more than a decade. so why now? There is no relevant reason. it was just that timing. The site may be turned into a parking lot or a new apartment. I don't know. The one certain thing is that there is no tree anymore. Now I lost a landscape. A scape that I had cherished. I developed the film, and am looking at these pictures. I took pictures of these without any particular reasons, I never knew that tree was cut down. but now, all I've got is the pictures. that is an only proof that the tree was surely there,  and the fact that I loved it.  Nothing stays there forever.  It keeps transforming in this very moment even as it looks completely still, and unfortunately, that is nothing at all to do with my thought. At the same time however, I knew that I cannot see them just gone. I just want to keep them. really, really badly. I know I cannot keep them with just taking pictures, but I cannot give up. I cannot stop doing it. and probably that is the only reason why I cannot help taking pictures. 

some moments from summer

YOKOSUKA, again.

a town I knew, yet I had never been.

   I don't even know why, because I never get into the bar to drink by myself.
   but at the night, I just did. and I met those boys.
   As I talked to them, something vague, yet very intense, flitted through my mind.
   That very moment, I noticed, that I knew them.
  Of course I had never ever seen them, or I will never won't see them again, 
  however I knew those people. 
  because I can see them used to be so bored at the classes, 
  hanging out at the mall after school. 
  because that is what I used to be so familiar with.
  That eyes, that hair, that cars, the way they talk.
  and then I suddenly remember everything, like every single small pieces.
  Late night in this small town which I had never been, had nothing common with me by then,
  The memoir, reminiscence, or just this peculiar sensation I cannot even name of, 
  overwhelmed me at the motel room.